i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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