Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
