that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
