When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
