By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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