you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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