We're facebook friends in real life
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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