I showed him my bush... on skype.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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