so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
