i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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