I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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