You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
