Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
