I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
