ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
