I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
