I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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