we're blogging at a bar
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
