i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
