dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They have beer where we have blood.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
