I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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