Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
