Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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