I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
