I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
