I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
