imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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