??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
