Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can I color on your dick again?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
