saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
