Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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