I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
where am i from again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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