here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just cropdusted the office
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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