and she was petting her beer can
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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