how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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