dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
