I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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