I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
