this boner is exhausting
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
