OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
