I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
