Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
