So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
