One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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