you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
