I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I AM VODKA MAN
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
