he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
