There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
