the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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