We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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