I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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