They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The uberlube is also flammable
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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