You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
