I'm so fucking centered right now
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
