it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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