It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
